As I’ve said before, being a cleaning lady requires a certain set of skills. Being squeamish, impatient, and generally disagreeable won’t get you far in this business. But I’m here to tell you of another skill set you must perfect to succeed. And that is not being bashful, or a prude, to use an old-school term.
You see, we as cleaning ladies are invisible, and so we should be. If you are home when we arrive, you should be able to go about your business without even knowing we are there. Sure, you’re making breakfast when we need to clean the kitchen, or taking your morning “excretion” right before we have to clean the bathroom. Maybe you dozed off in your favorite chair and we have to clean around you without making a sound. That’s o.k. We’re professionals.
That being said, sometimes our invisibility translates into a much more insidious hazard. That is clients walking around naked in front of us. The biggest culprits are my elderly clients. I figure when you get that old, you’re more concerned with making it to the toilet than who sees you in the buff while you’re doing it. Kudos to you! Just have to ignore all that saggy jiggling as it runs to the bathroom. Your biggest skill in these situations is averting the eyes while keeping an expression of calm.
Midge usually doesn’t realize she doesn’t have pants on until her third cup of coffee. That translates into an hour and a half of me averting my eyes to her sitting spread eagle on the couch, reading the newspaper, with the only thing visible being a very balding and wrinkly…..I’ll spare you the visual, dear reader.
But the young ones are guilty of it too. My Bachelor thinks he looks great in his Speedo, but he should probably get a bigger size because the family jewels keep popping out every time he does one of his squats. Thankfully, there is literally nothing to look at there. And my little artist client, after her morning Xanax, she just thinks she’s a naked little nymph in the forest.
So being a cleaning lady is not just about being able to clean, but about being able to see things you can never really unsee. And coping with the nightmares that come with it.