blades of grass

In addition to cleaning the Bird Lady’s house and decking her halls with ungodly amounts of Christmas decorations, I also take care of her small backyard and flower beds in the front. This is not a job responsibility I look forward to, mostly because she refuses to buy the right equipment, like yard equipment. So come Spring, she hands me her kitchen scissors and directs me towards the vines on the fence that need trimming. Luckily Birdie’s eyesight is not that great anymore so after my palms are cramped and blistered, I pry the scissors from my hands and tell her the vines look great. She agrees.

Then I drag out her rusted, antique lawn mower. One of those cylinders with blades that twirl when you push it. No matter how fast I push it or how much I yell at it, it never cuts the grass. Personally I would have more luck with a scythe. But as long as she hears the clank clank of the mower, I’m good. I tell her the grass looks wonderful and she agrees.

bicycle with front mounted with a cylinder blade lawn mower
If only….

Finally, on to the flower beds. She has already purchased 150 new pansies and marigolds that I have to plant, but first I till the soil and mix it with fresh dirt, all with a wooden spoon she says is perfect for the job. Because, you know, farmers back in the day all used wooden spoons to till the fields. Last year my trusty wooden spoon tilled up a ground hornets nest and it was perfect for waving around in the air like a lunatic while I ran down the street.

man covered in bees in spring

I go through 5 wooden spoons by the time I’m done planting and she wonders where all her wooden spoons have gone. Her memory is not that good either. I tell her the haphazard arrangement of flowers looks great and she agrees.

So for the next 6 months the Cleaning Lady takes a back seat to the Yard Lady. Fall can’t come soon enough.