Funny house cleaning stories about The Cleaning Lady’s train wreck clients
Easter is a time of great celebration for many around the world and what better way to celebrate than with some funny (some creepy, and some confusing) Easter ads! 1. Shake-An-Egg Coloring Kit, 1979 Who doesn’t remember Shake-an-Egg and its lovable spokesbunny Dudley Rabbit? This was the company’s very first commercial in 1979, before decorating…
I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving. Hopefully your hearts and bellies were full, so much so that you had to break out the “stretchy” pants you put away after your diet. For the Cleaning Lady clan, it was a small, outdoor affair in the country. Luckily the weather was overly cooperative with…
With Thanksgiving next week and a pandemic in full swing, the holidays this year seem a bit uncertain for many. You may have cancelled that trip to Gramma’s house and are just having Turkey Day with your immediate family (I’m really going to miss Uncle Bob’s inappropriate war stories about that brothel in Vietnam). So…
Last week was my birthday. Unfortunately, with a pandemic in full swing, I didn’t partake in my usual week of birthday festivities which would have included dunking booths, cotton candy machines and me sitting on a homemade throne with my droves of fans lined up to shower gifts upon me. Oh wait, I think that…
Are We Really Headed For Rosie The Robot? Technology has always had the intention of making our lives easier. Just the invention of the washing machine saved the backs, fingers and time of countless women (and men) who used to scrub clothes with a wash tub and board. The invention of the washing machine also…
I hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day! I got a day of relaxation while Mr. Cleaning Lady grilled the obligatory hot dogs and hamburgers. Of course, I had to do the dishes, even though he offered, because inevitably I’ll have to rewash them anyway. Better to pick your battles. There must be some unwritten…
No mask? That’s so 2019. Since Covid-19 has changed everything about life this year, I’d like to talk about the most prominent and ubiquitous accessory that everyone must have, literally. The ever-present mask. Like humans tend to do, we were not satisfied with the boring and institutional blue or white mask. Creativity and humor took…
Yup. Midge finally did it. She almost burned the house down and nearly killed herself in the process. Without going into too many details, I will say it was negligence on her part. The love of cooking, alcohol and prescription drugs do not mix in an elderly woman living alone. She is alright, thank goodness,…
A lot has certainly happened since the last time I posted. The world, it seems, is slowly grinding to a halt. My city has just closed the parks and beaches. Restaurants are only open for takeout and grocery stores are changing hours and procedures. Meanwhile, the internet is ablaze with keyboard cowboys, who, without having…
As with most holidays, each of my client’s celebrate Valentine’s Day a little differently. Some are young and single, some divorced, some widowed, and some married. So this week has been spent helping some of my little trainwrecks prepare for their special day. Coincidentally, I came across this very illuminating map which proves that maybe…
With Christmas right around the corner, I get a lot of questions about Christmas presents and clients, giving and receiving. Fellow cleaning people just starting out want to know if they should give their clients presents. And the lay people, if you will, want to know if they should get their cleaning people something. Yes…
Halloween is my favorite holiday. I used to spend weeks decorating. Carving pumpkins, putting little tombstones in the yard, even setting up fake skeletons on the porch with dusters in hand, cleaning all the fake cobwebs. Nowadays I spend most of my time helping my clients decorate. Granted they don’t have the same vision as…
As a cleaning lady, I have to be in every nook and cranny of your house, and by extension, every nook and cranny of your life. Basically I will know all your secrets. That’s why it’s important to find someone who values discretion and confidentiality. But if you don’t want me to find something, put…
As I’ve said before, being a cleaning lady requires a certain set of skills. Being squeamish, impatient, and generally disagreeable won’t get you far in this business. But I’m here to tell you of another skill set you must perfect to succeed. And that is not being bashful, or a prude, to use an old-school…
In addition to cleaning the Bird Lady’s house and decking her halls with ungodly amounts of Christmas decorations, I also take care of her small backyard and flower beds in the front. This is not a job responsibility I look forward to, mostly because she refuses to buy the right equipment, like yard equipment. So…
Spring cleaning time has come which means a very busy season for me. All of my clients want the spring cleaning treatment, although some of them have very different ideas of what that actually means. For the few sane ones I clean for, we do the usual deep-cleaning routine ”wiping inside the cabinets, decluttering, washing…
Today I clean the “BroZone.” It is the bachelor pad of a my youngest client, a 25-year-old weightlifter and personal trainer. I did not give his apartment this hideous name. He did, along with some of his other meathead buddies during an all-night brainstorming session fueled by Budweiser and protein shakes. They were so proud…
Some years back, I got a phone call from a couple. I will henceforth refer to them as Mr. and Mrs. Grey (which will become absurdly apparent shortly). I was still advertising on Craigslist at the time. “Cleaning and Organizational Specialist” was my title and “Discretion” was my mantra. They took that to heart and…
Today, I’m cleaning Midge’s house. She is one of my favorite clients but also the one I need insurance for, or a Hazmat suit. Midge is a short, sweet, 60-something divorcee living alone in a spacious condo in a gated community. She also has a penchant for vodka and covering sharp objects with towels. Every…
