Funny house cleaning stories about The Cleaning Lady’s train wreck clients
I’m pretty good with technology. Obviously you have to be to have a website of this caliber and sophistication. My five regular readers would certainly agree (who all wear very thick glasses). My clients, on the other hand, not so much. More often than not, I am providing tech support as well as house cleaning…
As I’ve said before, I prefer to clean when my clients are not at home. It’s easier, faster and I can zone out to Youtube videos on my phone about Search Engine Optimization and how to write the perfect blog post (riveting, and captivating, an edge of your seat blog, I know). Unfortunately, this is…
Let’s face it, cleaning is hard. Mistakes can be made and accidents can happen. And some of those can be hilarious. Here’s some of the funniest cleaning fails on the internet that were captured on video. 1. Cleaning with kids and animals Kids love to help, bless their hearts. It’s just sometimes you’ll be cleaning…
Easter is a time of great celebration for many around the world and what better way to celebrate than with some funny (some creepy, and some confusing) Easter ads! 1. Shake-An-Egg Coloring Kit, 1979 Who doesn’t remember Shake-an-Egg and its lovable spokesbunny Dudley Rabbit? This was the company’s very first commercial in 1979, before decorating…
I’ve noticed a disturbing trend among my clients in recent weeks. It seems they have all blurred the lines of what I do for them with what a personal assistant does. No, not wipe their nose and change their undergarments, although if it keeps up, I can see me having to do this down the…
This is the first post I wrote about my client, Ole Ironsides, last year. I had to take it down due to some technical difficulties, but I have ironed out the kinks, so to speak and have republished it for your reading pleasure. I go to see my eldest client today. I like to call…
I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving. Hopefully your hearts and bellies were full, so much so that you had to break out the “stretchy” pants you put away after your diet. For the Cleaning Lady clan, it was a small, outdoor affair in the country. Luckily the weather was overly cooperative with…
With Thanksgiving next week and a pandemic in full swing, the holidays this year seem a bit uncertain for many. You may have cancelled that trip to Gramma’s house and are just having Turkey Day with your immediate family (I’m really going to miss Uncle Bob’s inappropriate war stories about that brothel in Vietnam). So…
Halloween is that time of year when I like to dust off the old scary movie classics from my youth and remember that I used to be scared by that mechanical zombie guy whose arms couldn’t move quite right. Nowadays, it’s my clients who are downright scary. It’s also the time when some companies get…
In a continuation of my “spooky” and “creepy” October theme, I’d like to tell you about a very scary place I had to clean. It’s a different scary then when I found all the little cat coffins in the Cat Lady’s house (you can read about it here). Don’t get me wrong, most cleaning is…
I love Halloween! It’s my favorite holiday. I love all the scary movies and the costumes and the spooky decorations. Speaking of, I was out in my yard on October 1st putting up my scary décor. This includes my skeleton with duster in hand on my porch and a scarecrow vacuuming up all his fallen…
Last week was my birthday. Unfortunately, with a pandemic in full swing, I didn’t partake in my usual week of birthday festivities which would have included dunking booths, cotton candy machines and me sitting on a homemade throne with my droves of fans lined up to shower gifts upon me. Oh wait, I think that…
Are We Really Headed For Rosie The Robot? Technology has always had the intention of making our lives easier. Just the invention of the washing machine saved the backs, fingers and time of countless women (and men) who used to scrub clothes with a wash tub and board. The invention of the washing machine also…
I hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day! I got a day of relaxation while Mr. Cleaning Lady grilled the obligatory hot dogs and hamburgers. Of course, I had to do the dishes, even though he offered, because inevitably I’ll have to rewash them anyway. Better to pick your battles. There must be some unwritten…
When I was at the Artist’s house last week, she asked me if I could pay a visit to a friend of hers. She is a stay-at-home mom with three kids and she’s gotten behind on the chores. “Sure,” I said. Having no children of my own, I love helping out moms because I know…
No mask? That’s so 2019. Since Covid-19 has changed everything about life this year, I’d like to talk about the most prominent and ubiquitous accessory that everyone must have, literally. The ever-present mask. Like humans tend to do, we were not satisfied with the boring and institutional blue or white mask. Creativity and humor took…
I have a great relationship with my mechanic, namely because I can’t afford a car that doesn’t brake down once every few months. So when I called him to tell him I needed a few things done, he made me a proposition. No not that kind! You all have been stuck in the house too…
I got a call from a potential new client the other day. “Hello!?! Is this the Cleaning Lady?” “Yes.” “Oh, thank god! I got your number from [insert old client’s name] and I am desperate for help. My cleaning lady just walked out on me and I’m frantic!” Can you say red flag, and why…
Many years ago, when I was first starting out, I cleaned a house for a self-proclaimed “Cat Lady”. She rescued homeless cats or saved them from shelters. Which I’m cool with. I love cats. I’ve had a few over the years, and thank gooodness I’m not allergic. Because when I started with her, she had…
I’m mostly back to my regular schedule and my clients couldn’t be happier. While I, on the other hand, continue to question my life choices (being an Astronaut is looking pretty good right now). I don’t think one of my clients actually cleaned a thing during our hiatus, and it seems that if I was…
I was sitting and contemplating the other day about how I haven’t cleaned a house, except for my own, in a month and a half. What I’m doing for Midge doesn’t really constitute as physical labor but more of mental gymnastics. What would it be like to go back to my full schedule again? Will…
Yup. Midge finally did it. She almost burned the house down and nearly killed herself in the process. Without going into too many details, I will say it was negligence on her part. The love of cooking, alcohol and prescription drugs do not mix in an elderly woman living alone. She is alright, thank goodness,…
A lot has certainly happened since the last time I posted. The world, it seems, is slowly grinding to a halt. My city has just closed the parks and beaches. Restaurants are only open for takeout and grocery stores are changing hours and procedures. Meanwhile, the internet is ablaze with keyboard cowboys, who, without having…
Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I know there have been some very dramatic changes to all of our situations since my last post due to the coronavirus. Of course, I can only speak for my self, but I know that my state is like many others in their concerted efforts to slow the spread of COVID-19….
As with most holidays, each of my client’s celebrate Valentine’s Day a little differently. Some are young and single, some divorced, some widowed, and some married. So this week has been spent helping some of my little trainwrecks prepare for their special day. Coincidentally, I came across this very illuminating map which proves that maybe…
As I’ve said before here, a cleaning lady is in every nook and cranny of your house, so you either better hide your stuff well if you don’t want anyone seeing it, or have complete trust in your hired help. Since my clients have complete trust in me, they often leave things lying around that…
Now that the holidays are over, I can get back to my regular schedule and relax, maybe clean my own house. Or so I thought. My little train wrecks have other plans for me. They are feverishly taking stock of their lives, or lack thereof, and have determined that I am the key to the…
With Christmas right around the corner, I get a lot of questions about Christmas presents and clients, giving and receiving. Fellow cleaning people just starting out want to know if they should give their clients presents. And the lay people, if you will, want to know if they should get their cleaning people something. Yes…
Halloween is my favorite holiday. I used to spend weeks decorating. Carving pumpkins, putting little tombstones in the yard, even setting up fake skeletons on the porch with dusters in hand, cleaning all the fake cobwebs. Nowadays I spend most of my time helping my clients decorate. Granted they don’t have the same vision as…
There is a precarious dynamic involved in a Cleaning Lady / Client relationship. I provide a service for you, and you pay me. That’s what it’s supposed to be. But when you have clients for as many years as I do, the relationship gets blurred. Not for me, but for many of my clients. Before…
Cleaning houses is hard enough. It’s even harder when you have a house full of people you have to dodge to get the job done. Some of my clients are notorious for having full houses during my scheduled cleaning days. Hey, it’s their house, I get it. But it would be nice to give the…
DOs and DON’Ts of Being a Hurricane Guest in Someone Else’s House This post will be a little different from the rest of my cleaning and client shenanigans. I have been through many hurricanes over the years, some very destructive and some preparing for days only to get a light breeze. And I’ve always opened…
I hate cleaning floors. Out of all my housecleaning duties it is my least favorite, mainly because it takes the most time and most of my clients are completely anal about them. And rightly so, for the most part. If a house is completely clean, but the floors are dirty, the house will still appear…
As a cleaning lady, I have to be in every nook and cranny of your house, and by extension, every nook and cranny of your life. Basically I will know all your secrets. That’s why it’s important to find someone who values discretion and confidentiality. But if you don’t want me to find something, put…
As I’ve said before, being a cleaning lady requires a certain set of skills. Being squeamish, impatient, and generally disagreeable won’t get you far in this business. But I’m here to tell you of another skill set you must perfect to succeed. And that is not being bashful, or a prude, to use an old-school…
Parts One and Two here. The homework assignment I gave to the hoarder seemed to work, as she dove into the house with extra zeal. We went through the boxes again and managed to get a pretty large donation pile. Nothing sparked “joy” for her as much as not dying under a mountain of unopened…
Read Part 1 Here / Part 3 Here The first day I worked at the Hoarder’s house, I realized things were going to be a little trickier than I thought. I brought a bunch boxes with me to set up “Donate,” “Keep” and “Maybe” boxes. I decided to start in the living room as I…
I used to work for a hoarder for about five years. She contacted me when I still advertised on Craigslist. When I answered the phone, she burst into tears. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I thought this would be easier.” “It’s all right. How can I help?” She explained to me her situation. She had been…
Or as I like to call it, “No ma’am,” “No sir” and “Fine” I realize the title of this post is a bit hypocritical, considering I write a blog about my clients, but I post anonymously and change the names of my subjects. And I highly doubt any of my many followers know any of…
In addition to cleaning the Bird Lady’s house and decking her halls with ungodly amounts of Christmas decorations, I also take care of her small backyard and flower beds in the front. This is not a job responsibility I look forward to, mostly because she refuses to buy the right equipment, like yard equipment. So…
Spring cleaning time has come which means a very busy season for me. All of my clients want the spring cleaning treatment, although some of them have very different ideas of what that actually means. For the few sane ones I clean for, we do the usual deep-cleaning routine ”wiping inside the cabinets, decluttering, washing…
Today I clean the “BroZone.” It is the bachelor pad of a my youngest client, a 25-year-old weightlifter and personal trainer. I did not give his apartment this hideous name. He did, along with some of his other meathead buddies during an all-night brainstorming session fueled by Budweiser and protein shakes. They were so proud…
I have ten clients on my roaster at the moment. It’s a good number for me as I work by, and for, myself. Everyone keeps telling me to hire some people and grow my business into some cleaning empire, scrubbing the world of filth and coffee stains, but I’m happy where I am. And my…
I hate the word maid. I’ve never considered myself one, with the word evoking images of black and white clad servants taking coats at the door or serving tea to rich, blue-hairs barking orders at them. So I just call myself a cleaning lady. I come into your house once a week or every two…
I had a client a few years ago who was a referral from another long-time client of mine. She didn’t want house cleaning, but help with organizing her paperwork, which was bursting at the seams in all corners of her house. Easy, I thought, as this was the part of the job I love to…
Some years back, I got a phone call from a couple. I will henceforth refer to them as Mr. and Mrs. Grey (which will become absurdly apparent shortly). I was still advertising on Craigslist at the time. “Cleaning and Organizational Specialist” was my title and “Discretion” was my mantra. They took that to heart and…
Today, I’m cleaning Midge’s house. She is one of my favorite clients but also the one I need insurance for, or a Hazmat suit. Midge is a short, sweet, 60-something divorcee living alone in a spacious condo in a gated community. She also has a penchant for vodka and covering sharp objects with towels. Every…
