How My Little Train Wrecks Decorate For Christmas
I hope everyone had a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving. Hopefully your hearts and bellies were full, so much so that you had to break out the “stretchy” pants you put away after your diet. For the Cleaning Lady clan, it was a small, outdoor affair in the country. Luckily the weather was overly cooperative with…
4 Funny Thanksgiving Commercials To Lift Your Spirits
With Thanksgiving next week and a pandemic in full swing, the holidays this year seem a bit uncertain for many. You may have cancelled that trip to Gramma’s house and are just having Turkey Day with your immediate family (I’m really going to miss Uncle Bob’s inappropriate war stories about that brothel in Vietnam). So…
3 Reasons Why Your Cleaning Person Does NOT Need Your Help Cleaning
All of my clients look forward to their cleaning day. And understandably so. Their house gets magically cleaned by little cleaning fairies while they are not home. Or that’s how it should ideally work. But not with my clients. They like to stay home and help clean. It’s annoying, and detrimental. But there’s not much…
How To Not Kill (or Maim) Your Cleaning Person
Some people don’t see cleaning houses as a dangerous profession. It’s certainly not up there with Alaskan crabbing or logging. But house cleaners can run into some dangerous situations. And many of them can be avoided by communication from the client. So I’d like to give homeowners a few tips on how not to kill…
Happy Birthday To Me
Last week was my birthday. Unfortunately, with a pandemic in full swing, I didn’t partake in my usual week of birthday festivities which would have included dunking booths, cotton candy machines and me sitting on a homemade throne with my droves of fans lined up to shower gifts upon me. Oh wait, I think that…
Cleaning Technology: Are We Really Headed For Rosie The Robot?
Technology has always had the intention of making our lives easier. Just the invention of the washing machine saved the backs, fingers and time of countless women (and men) who used to scrub clothes with a wash tub and board. The invention of the washing machine also led to the invention of the wash tub…
A Day In The Life Of The Cleaning Lady
I hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day! I got a day of relaxation while Mr. Cleaning Lady grilled the obligatory hot dogs and hamburgers. Of course, I had to do the dishes, even though he offered, because inevitably I’ll have to rewash them anyway. Better to pick your battles. There must be some unwritten…
Masks: The Must-Have 2020 Fashion Accessory
No mask? That’s so 2019. Since Covid-19 has changed everything about life this year, I’d like to talk about the most prominent and ubiquitous accessory that everyone must have, literally. The ever-present mask. Like humans tend to do, we were not satisfied with the boring and institutional blue or white mask. Creativity and humor took…
Midge Finally Did It
Yup. Midge finally did it. She almost burned the house down and nearly killed herself in the process. Without going into too many details, I will say it was negligence on her part. The love of cooking, alcohol and prescription drugs do not mix in an elderly woman living alone. She is alright, thank goodness,…
A Long, Strange Trip it Will Be
A lot has certainly happened since the last time I posted. The world, it seems, is slowly grinding to a halt. My city has just closed the parks and beaches. Restaurants are only open for takeout and grocery stores are changing hours and procedures. Meanwhile, the internet is ablaze with keyboard cowboys, who, without having…
A Very Trainwreck Valentine’s Day
As with most holidays, each of my client’s celebrate Valentine’s Day a little differently. Some are young and single, some divorced, some widowed, and some married. So this week has been spent helping some of my little trainwrecks prepare for their special day. Coincidentally, I came across this very illuminating map which proves that maybe…
All I Want for Christmas…
With Christmas right around the corner, I get a lot of questions about Christmas presents and clients, giving and receiving. Fellow cleaning people just starting out want to know if they should give their clients presents. And the lay people, if you will, want to know if they should get their cleaning people something. Yes…
Happy Halloween! Um, I Think You’re Doing It Wrong
Halloween is my favorite holiday. I used to spend weeks decorating. Carving pumpkins, putting little tombstones in the yard, even setting up fake skeletons on the porch with dusters in hand, cleaning all the fake cobwebs. Nowadays I spend most of my time helping my clients decorate. Granted they don’t have the same vision as…
The Cleaning Lady Knows All Your Secrets
As a cleaning lady, I have to be in every nook and cranny of your house, and by extension, every nook and cranny of your life. Basically I will know all your secrets. That’s why it’s important to find someone who values discretion and confidentiality. But if you don’t want me to find something, put…
When Cleaning is Not for the Bashful
As I’ve said before, being a cleaning lady requires a certain set of skills. Being squeamish, impatient, and generally disagreeable won’t get you far in this business. But I’m here to tell you of another skill set you must perfect to succeed. And that is not being bashful, or a prude, to use an old-school…
Spring Yard Work Time
In addition to cleaning the Bird Lady’s house and decking her halls with ungodly amounts of Christmas decorations, I also take care of her small back yard and flower beds in the front. This is not a job responsibility I look forward to, mostly because she refuses to buy the right equipment, like yard equipment….
What Spring Cleaning Means to My Clients
Spring cleaning time has come which means a very busy season for me. All of my clients want the spring cleaning treatment, although some of them have very different ideas of what that actually means. For the few sane ones I clean for, we do the usual deep-cleaning routine ”wiping inside the cabinets, decluttering, washing…
Why You Need a Ladder to Clean a Bachelor Pad
Today I clean the “BroZone.” It is the bachelor pad of a my youngest client, a 25-year-old weightlifter and personal trainer. I did not give his apartment this hideous name. He did, along with some of his other meathead buddies during an all-night brainstorming session fueled by Budweiser and protein shakes. They were so proud…
Fifty Shades of Grey Just Got Cleaner
Some years back, I got a phone call from a couple. I will henceforth refer to them as Mr. and Mrs. Grey (which will become absurdly apparent shortly). I was still advertising on Craigslist at the time. “Cleaning and Organizational Specialist” was my title and “Discretion” was my mantra. They took that to heart and…
Does This Cleaning Job Come With a Hazmat Suit?
Today, I’m cleaning Midge’s house. She is one of my favorite clients but also the one I need insurance for, or a Hazmat suit. Midge is a short, sweet, 60-something divorcee living alone in a spacious condo in a gated community. She also has a penchant for vodka and covering sharp objects with towels. Every…