house cleaning humor

Ironing to the Oldies

This is the first post I wrote about my client, Ole Ironsides, last year. I had to take it down due to some technical difficulties, but I have ironed out the kinks, so to speak and have republished it for your reading pleasure. I go to see my eldest client today. I like to call…

house cleaning humor

Cleaning Scary Places

In a continuation of my “spooky” and “creepy” October theme, I’d like to tell you about a very scary place I had to clean. It’s a different scary then when I found all the little cat coffins in the Cat Lady’s house (you can read about it here). Don’t get me wrong, most cleaning is…

house cleaning humor

Happy Birthday To Me

Last week was my birthday. Unfortunately, with a pandemic in full swing, I didn’t partake in my usual week of birthday festivities which would have included dunking booths, cotton candy machines and me sitting on a homemade throne with my droves of fans lined up to shower gifts upon me. Oh wait, I think that…

COVID stories

Masks: The Must-Have 2020 Fashion Accessory

No mask? That’s so 2019. Since Covid-19 has changed everything about life this year, I’d like to talk about the most prominent and ubiquitous accessory that everyone must have, literally. The ever-present mask. Like humans tend to do, we were not satisfied with the boring and institutional blue or white mask. Creativity and humor took…

house cleaning humor

My Mechanic and Me

I have a great relationship with my mechanic, namely because I can’t afford a car that doesn’t brake down once every few months. So when I called him to tell him I needed a few things done, he made me a proposition. No not that kind! You all have been stuck in the house too…

house cleaning humor

Queen Karen Comes Calling

I got a call from a potential new client the other day. “Hello!?! Is this the Cleaning Lady?” “Yes.” “Oh, thank god! I got your number from [insert old client’s name] and I am desperate for help. My cleaning lady just walked out on me and I’m frantic!” Can you say red flag, and why…

house cleaning humor

The Cat Lady

Many years ago, when I was first starting out, I cleaned a house for a self-proclaimed “Cat Lady”. She rescued homeless cats or saved them from shelters. Which I’m cool with. I love cats. I’ve had a few over the years, and thank gooodness I’m not allergic. Because when I started with her, she had…

house cleaning humor

Thanks For The Help

I’m mostly back to my regular schedule and my clients couldn’t be happier. While I, on the other hand, continue to question my life choices (being an Astronaut is looking pretty good right now). I don’t think one of my clients actually cleaned a thing during our hiatus, and it seems that if I was…

COVID stories

The First Day Back

I was sitting and contemplating the other day about how I haven’t cleaned a house, except for my own, in a month and a half. What I’m doing for Midge doesn’t really constitute as physical labor but more of mental gymnastics. What would it be like to go back to my full schedule again? Will…

emotional

Midge Finally Did It

Yup. Midge finally did it. She almost burned the house down and nearly killed herself in the process. Without going into too many details, I will say it was negligence on her part. The love of cooking, alcohol and prescription drugs do not mix in an elderly woman living alone. She is alright, thank goodness,…

COVID stories

A Long, Strange Trip it Will Be

A lot has certainly happened since the last time I posted. The world, it seems, is slowly grinding to a halt. My city has just closed the parks and beaches. Restaurants are only open for takeout and grocery stores are changing hours and procedures. Meanwhile, the internet is ablaze with keyboard cowboys, who, without having…

COVID stories

The Coronavirus Hits Home

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I know there have been some very dramatic changes to all of our situations since my last post due to the coronavirus. Of course, I can only speak for my self, but I know that my state is like many others in their concerted efforts to slow the spread of COVID-19….

house cleaning humor

A Very Trainwreck Valentine’s Day

As with most holidays, each of my client’s celebrate Valentine’s Day a little differently. Some are young and single, some divorced, some widowed, and some married. So this week has been spent helping some of my little trainwrecks prepare for their special day. Coincidentally, I came across this very illuminating map which proves that maybe…

Cleaning Service Tips

All I Want for Christmas…

With Christmas right around the corner, I get a lot of questions about Christmas presents and clients, giving and receiving. Fellow cleaning people just starting out want to know if they should give their clients presents. And the lay people, if you will, want to know if they should get their cleaning people something. Yes…

emotional

Thanksgiving for One

The weeks before Thanksgiving are a very busy time for me. Some of my clients will have family in town and will need a few extra hours of my time. Some previous clients will call and want a one-time deep clean before the holidays. And of course the rearranging of schedules to accommodate me taking…

house cleaning humor

A Word About Floors

I hate cleaning floors. Out of all my housecleaning duties it is my least favorite, mainly because it takes the most time and most of my clients are completely anal about them. And rightly so, for the most part. If a house is completely clean, but the floors are dirty, the house will still appear…

house cleaning humor

The Hoarder, Part 2

Read Part 1 Here / Part 3 Here The first day I worked at the Hoarder’s house, I realized things were going to be a little trickier than I thought. I brought a bunch boxes with me to set up “Donate,” “Keep” and “Maybe” boxes. I decided to start in the living room as I…

house cleaning humor

The Hoarder, Part 1

I used to work for a hoarder for about five years. She contacted me when I still advertised on Craigslist. When I answered the phone, she burst into tears. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed. “I thought this would be easier.” “It’s all right. How can I help?” She explained to me her situation. She had been…

house cleaning humor

Spring Yard Work Time

In addition to cleaning the Bird Lady’s house and decking her halls with ungodly amounts of Christmas decorations, I also take care of her small back yard and flower beds in the front. This is not a job responsibility I look forward to, mostly because she refuses to buy the right equipment, like yard equipment….