Two tea pots boiling on one gas burner

If People Weren’t Complete Trainwrecks, I’d Be Out of a Cleaning Job

I have ten clients on my roaster at the moment.  It’s a good number for me as I work by, and for, myself.  Everyone keeps telling me to hire some people and grow my business into some cleaning empire, scrubbing the world of filth and coffee stains, but I’m happy where I am.  And my clients are a handful enough.

All my clients vary in age and background.  But most of them have one thing in common.  They are completely dysfunctional.  From Midge, who single-handedly keeps Smirnoff in business, to my young artist who pops a Xanax every time the news comes on.  I have a hoarder who obsesses over her floors even though you can’t see them, and a middle-aged woman who gets anxiety from opening the mail so her electricity gets shut off every month.  If you are a highly functioning adult you probably don’t need me anyway.  Sure, I have a few successful clients who genuinely don’t have time to clean, but for most of my clients, their disheveled house is just a small part of their disheveled lives.

So they call me to get at least one thing under control.  And for some, that is the first step to getting control of the rest.  What they don’t know is that I am a problem solver as well as a cleaning lady.  I come into your home and identify the problem areas and try to fix them.  So now you can find your car keys because I put a little hook by the door and your electricity doesn’t get shut off anymore because I put you on autopay.  I like to think that I help clean people’s lives as well as their houses.

So no, I don’t need a cleaning empire.  I’ll change the world one disheveled life at a time.

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